The Isabelle Evans Page
Isabelle's REFLECTIONS
Reflections of the BBF-2013
At the end of my summer school assignment I left NY for San Jose, California to spend time with my elderly mother. My plan was to spend a week with her and rent a car to drive to Summer Lake, Oregon for the BBF. As it turned out my sister was taking my mother to visit her newborn great grand-babies in Portland, Oregon and her vehicle would be available during the time I would need it for the BBF. My mother gave her permission for me to use her car to travel from San Jose to Summer Lake. I had put out an email as to my travel plans and Justice from Sacramento, California responded needing a ride to Summer Lake. Rob C (RC) from Orange County in California had been in contact with Justice also desiring to go to Summer Lake. And so RC took a bus from Anaheim to Sacramento where I would pick both of them up. The evening before the trip I received a phone call from Dee G also desiring to go along on the trip to Summer Lake to attend the BBF.
So on the morning of Friday August 30th I packed up my mother's car and drove to Sacramento. There I met the Wilkins family; Elders in HC at Holy Sacrament, RC, Justice and Dee. We repacked the car and amazingly all of our stuff was able to fit. We began the 9 hour drive to Summer Lake and talked the entire way getting to know each other. We arrived to Summer Lake just before nightfall where we met Brother Gregory, his wife Regina, his daughter Alicia and her husband Richard as well as their 3 beautiful children; Sebastian, Latham and Kelly. We also met Stephanie Joy who has been working at Summer Lake for the past 7 months and Heather who arrived from Bend, Oregon. Later that evening the Hansen's arrived from Kentucky along with Zach Jarvis; the 17 year son of Brent Jarvis from Missouri.
That evening Regina prepared a pot of delicious lentil soup and home made bread prepared by Stephanie Joy. We ate by the campfire and talked late into the night. Rob played his guitar and impressed us with his musical skills. Richard had put up his yurts for us to sleep in. I shared a yurt with Dee and a kitten who had been abandoned on the Gregory's property and adopted by the family.
Over the next 2 days we also met the Andersons from Washington State and Jack who lives in Oregon. Because of the few folks who showed up we were all able to spend much time really getting to know each other. Much fun and laughs were had during meal preparation and taking walks together. A lot of knowledge regarding healthy foods and recipes were shared and especially appreciated by me who knows very little. It was a joy to watch the Hansen's 7 children along with Zach Jarvis and the 3 children of Alicia and Richard play together (with no toys) from morning to bedtime. Their beautiful interactions including their disputes and their forgiveness of each other in continuing to play together demonstrated a good example of Kingdom living.
On our last day Brother Gregory gave a presentation on “connections” . He demonstrated to us via white board illustrations how we got to where we all are today beginning with Adam and Eve. We all got to ask questions which inspired much discussion.
Justice, Rob, Dee and myself left early on the morning of Monday Sept 2nd for the ride back to Sacramento and later that day, NYC for me.
As I write this record of my trip, I 'm already back at work and back into my daily routines. I left Summer Lake with many blessings which Brother Gregory asked us all to share with others. The blessing I choose to share with you and want to remember myself every minute of everyday for the rest of my days is; BE LOYAL TO RIGHTGEOUSNESS.
Isabelle
Links to pictures:
Nov. 19th, 2012--A question of Repentance?
I was talking to a student today at the prison where I work who has just returned from his parole board hearing where he had been rejected for parole. He must do 3 more years. He was cursing the all female parole board members saying all they wanted to was talk about his past. They had expressed the details of his crime. He is now in college and wanted to talk about his future. He wants to put the past behind and move on. I asked him if he had remorse for the crime he committed. Of course, he responded but couldn’t change the past. Advised him that perhaps the parole board needed for him to show remorse and his lack of tolerance of being able to hear the details from the victim’s point of view was telling of his remorse. We spoke of repentance and what that means. It made wonder of my own repentance. Of how I claim to be turning around but what about the victims of my past? Is repentance just a turning around? Can we just divorce ourselves from our past to walk towards the Kingdom?
August 23rd, 2012--Last day at Work
Yesterday was my last day teaching at the prison for young male criminals. Sad for me to say good bye to boys I had developed relationships with. I take away with me these observations of these young men; 1.Loyalty- I have never seen more loyalty demonstrated among people than in this prison situation. As the boys are separated by crime and live together they will always stand up for each other no matter what the cost. There are never bystanders when someone of their own is being attacked. 2. Sharing- Food can be scarce as it is regulated and these young boys are always hungry. Whenever anyone has some extra food, it is always shared. Guards have their favorites and often give their favorite inmate a treat of some kind. That boy will always share with the others no matter how small the amount. 3. Table manners- Having an opportunity to share a meal with them, I was impressed at the impeccable table manners. Compared to the lunch room at public school, this was a beautiful sight of 10 young men at a table carefully and lovingly passing food back and forth to each other, making sure everyone got their share.
These are 3 positive qualities that I have seen that can be extended into a new beginning for these boys to turn their lives around. If only loyalty and sharing existed towards righteousness seeking people. As I left the facility and got to my car, I was faced with a dead battery. I could not get any of the non-criminal “men” inside to give me a boost. I am sure one of my gangster students if they could, would have been helping me out.
July 17th, 2012--Reflections of a Work Day
During the normal course of my day I am around quite a lot of people. This is an observation I have made today. Right now I am a teacher in a maximum security prison for young boys. It is an unusual facility (only reflects our society) for it is one of a kind in NYS for youthful murderers, rapists and violent offenders. Today while in my classroom a code gray was sounded which meant all staff must run to where the violence is taking place. I watched as these large men ran past my door with their latex gloves on. As they returned passing my door again, they were patting each other on their backs smiling and seeming pleasantly satistied from sucessfully restraing the youths.This satisfaction runs deep especially when much physical restraint is needed. When the boys returned to school they are also deeply satisfied with the control they felt they had in making all these large men come running. This scenerio demonstrates to me almost how primal it is that we want to rule over others and be ruled. The boys act up to rule over the guards, the guards respond by ruling over the boys who really want want to be ruled over.
From as early as kindergarden in public schools, students are taught that they cannot control themselves. They need the teacher to control them and those of us who have been through the public school system end up believing it. The teacher believes it is her responsibility to control the students and is controlled by the state to do so in order to keep the job. And so ruler/subject permeates throughout our society as the "right" way to exist.
June 4th, 2012--Relections in a day of Isabelle's life in the world at the Emergency Room
At 5:00PM today, not knowing what else to do for him and not wanting him to self medicate, I took my son Adam who had been suffering with severe anxiety all day to the Pysch ER. We were placed in a room in a locked unit with other young folks who appeared to be suffering in a similiar way. After 3 hours of just waiting and witnessing some bizarre behaviors of both staff and clients (they could not find this young girl who also had been waiting for hours, only for us to locate her hurled up in a fetal position in the corner of the bathroom) Adam began to express that he just wanted to leave as he was feeling a lot worst since arriving and that he had not taken his regular prescribed medication. They would not allow us to leave before a psychiatrist evaluated him. We requested that he then be given his regular medication. The psychiatrist on duty refused as it had not yet been determined what was going on with Adam. After another two hours of waiting Adam became smashing his head into the wall. The new psychiatrist on duty then quickly adminstered his medication. After 5 1/2 hours of waiting he finally spoke to a social worker who decided he would need to be admitted and evaluated for proper medication. For a moment we felt like we would finally be receiving the "help" he was desperately seeking. At 2AM we were told that the insurance company refused to pay for the admission. At that moment, after 7 hours of being on a locked unit waiting, Adam and I looked at each and just began to laugh hysterically. The nurses came running in and I could not stop myself from laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks. I actually began to think I was going to be admitted. After waiting another hour to be discharged, I left with Adam at 2:30AM feeling tired but not discouraged as I realized I was a little further down the path, encouraged to say to my son with 100% confidence that there was no help for him in the world except in seeking the righteousness of God. As I walked out of the hospital, feeling a bit crazy, I also told everyone else in the ER waiting room that there was no help here; seek God.
May 14th, 2012--Reflections on Dying
I buried my dad today. He was known as papa. Gone, lost to me forever and what remains are only sad memories of him angry and fearful. At the funeral I was surrounded by rituals and family that brought no comfort at all. My mother paid her $648.28 for a rabbi to speak some meaningless words at my dad's grave site that had nothing to do with us or him. I questioned the rabbi about his thoughts on death. He responded to me by saying that was the beauty of judaism; you get to pick and choose what you want to believe and it's ok. You have a choice of resurrection, soul living on forever, and he was open to anything I had in my heart but no heaven or hell. For her monies paid, my mom received a large blue candle with a jewish star imprinted on the glass and a book with anniversary death dates for the next 20 years of when to light a memorial candle based on the Jewish calendar. My mom carried that candle against her chest as if it was my dad. As I appeared to be annoyed with this rabbi and his empty words, he whispered to me at the grave site that free of charge he placed some holy earth from the Mount of Olives in Israel on my dad's lips and forehead. The rabbi then pinned a black button with a long black ribbon on us and then ripped it to indicate we are in mourning. I have realized that all the tears I 'm shedding since learning of my dad's passing has more to do with me than him. I'm mourning the childhood that could have been and will never be. I'm mourning my wasted life blinded by lies and deceptions disguised as, get an education, get a good job, fall in love, buy a home, reproduce and live happily ever after. And then you die.
My dad had a very difficult death. He suffered for a long time as he hung on to his life afraid to die. The question of Who is your redeemer is often asked on the PCM group. This man did not have a redeemer, no faith, no love for man or God. I tried to speak of this at the funeral as the rabbi asked if anyone had anything to say. I warned my family how we don't get away with anything, good or bad. It is so important how we choose to live our lives. We all must face ourselves at the end. Papa's death showed me you die the way you live. Unfortunately, this only separated myself further from my family who thought I was inappropriate to speak in this way at a funeral. Luckily when you are considered to be in mourning you can say anything you want and are forgiven. But I don't want to be forgiven but understood as I find myself also needing comfort from all of this sadness.
As I take my mother back to her home to face her new life without her husband of 69 years, I am impressed by the camaraderie I see in her retirement community. It gets me thinking of “Kingdom” living. She returns home to many condolence cards and messages. Other widows offering her advice and offers of help for the memorial service she will have at her home. But what about those who cannot live in a retirement community and afford to hire aides in their old age. This whole experience has me seeing the possible reality and benefit for all of us living under God's Kingdom. What if we were to spend all of our energies and time buiding God's Kingdom instead of working our lives earning money for our retirement. As we live and die we could be there for each other, old and young, serving each other, loving each other the way it was intended to be. My mourning is over. My days left will be spent seeking God's righteousness and building the Kingdom for those to come.
At the memorial service the jewish group gathers setting up chairs in my mom's living room facing east for the ten men who will recite hebrew prayers that no one understands. I want there to be comfort in the reciting of the prayers and gathering but there is none to be had. People speak false words about my dad and the sadness deepens. He was not a fine man and the only truth spoken is that my mom was a devoted wife.
As I return back home to New York taking with me memories of my dad, his wallet, socks, wedding ring, I think of the many lessons learned from his passing and feel grateful that I still have some time to turn around.
Oh, one last ritual, my mom must walk around the block one week after his burial???
April 6th, 2012--Shedding of the Rituals
This is the first time in my whole life that I am not participating in the Passover Seder. As I have begun to understand that the rituals of my religion was my religion and I now desire a "true religion". As I look back at the years filled with ceremonies in a language I did not understand, I now know why I often felt dissatisfied and confused. Questions asked by children were always answered with "Don't ask, just do". And so I did. I remember sitting around a long table covered with traditional food items with family members who would not speak to each out of anger the rest of the year but for this Seder they all would agree to sit together and say the words that were not understood. As a young child it felt reassuring to look forward to the same rituals every year. To be told that if I find the hidden matzah and eat it I will have good luck through out the year, to eat the bitter herbs and dip my finger into the wine 10 times was connecting me to my ancestors and their bondage, to watch intently the rim of the glass of wine in the middle of the table as my grandmother opened the door to allow Elijah in to sip the wine, and so, so much more that it actually lasted for 5 hours. After my orthodox grandparents passed away we switched to the quick, concise English translation Passover Seder where we picked and choose the rituals we were going to keep in order to get to the meal quicker. And I continued these traditions in my adult life believing I was showing love and obedience to the god of my understanding by carrying out these rituals. As I slowly begin to shed some of these ritualistic ways they are being replaced with an understanding of what is truly important; "the weightier matters". It is not what you do or say on a particular day, in a particular way, in a particular order that makes you more righteous or even righteous at all but it is who you are at every moment (even when no one is looking).
I'm striving.......towards the Kingdom.
GATHERINGS and GET TOGETHERS
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January 3rd, 2013--D. from Rhode Island and P. from Colorado called in. This is P. first time calling the Women's call and was very happy to connect with other HHC women. P. lives alone and maintains chickens and a garden. There are Elders of HHC planning a trip to visit P. in the near future to assist her with projects around her homestead. D. was expressing the hardships of her life as a widow. D's late husband took care of most things and D. is struggling to figure those things out. There are local people helping her but it was uncertain if they could be taking of advantage of her rather than helping. D. was encouraged to contact HCSM; the local CoR and speak to the MoR about possible assistance. We hope she does.
Nov. 8th, 2012--D. from Rhode Island, E. from Arkansas, M. from Mississippi and a new caller to the Women's call, M. from Oregon, participated in tonight's phone conference. M. is a friend of a woman who had attended the Burning Bush festival this year with M. from Mississippi and had learned of this call. M. considers herself a Sabbath Keeper and follows the lunar calendar. The discussion centered around what is the correct calendar. D. is also a Sabbath Keeper and follows the solar calendar and was interested in learning what M. had discovered. The women all exchanged phone numbers and emails. My hope is they will all connect with each other even if it is the calendar that brings them together.
Oct. 25th, 2012--T. from Wisconsin and E. from Arkansas called in and were able to talk together about some natural remedies E. had suggested for T. It has been a while since HHC women have used the conference call and felt encouraged that it was still a useful tool for promoting Kingdom precepts. I had met E. for the first time at the BBF and we able to reflect upon the festival activities and allow T. to listen to what had occurred there.We talked about the reality of long distance relationships being viable.
July 26th, 2012--D. from Rhode Island called in. She has just returned from Paris, France where she spent a number of months visiting with her son and his family who reside there. D. spent her time volunteering in a soup kitchen getting to know the French people. She reports that she passed out at least 20 Bibles and some of Brother Gregory's books. We talked about what has been happening in the Northeast since she left. I was able to connect D. with two new members who live near her. D. will try to come to the gathering in New Paltz on August 5th.
June 7th, 2012--E. from Arkansas and J. from Arizona called in. We talked about the process of menopause and how the individual spirit effects what you may go through. We also talked much about loss and the dependency we tend to have on other people when we experience loss and how it usually leads to temporary comfort. Perhaps experiencing loss could be an opportunity to turn to the Father for "real" comfort. E. suggested a book to read "When the Hurt Runs Deep" by kay Arthur.
May 10th, 2012--M. from Mississipi called in and J. from Arizona called in. My father passed away today and the call was centered on these two women helping cope with his death. We discussed their beliefs on what occurs when the body dies. M. suggested I read some writings from Herbert Armstrong. I was grateful to have them be on the line and share their ideas with me.
April 26th,2012--D. from California called in and J. from Arizona. D. reported feeling much better from her neck and back pain. J. reported on the upgraded status of her security guard position to supervisor. J. and D. were meeting on the phone for the first time and enjoyed getting to know each other.
April 19th, 2012--D. from Honolulu called in. What a surprise!! D. has acquired all of Brother Gregory's books and has been studying. She was feeling a bit overwhelmed with all of the information and decided to call in and connect with others who could shed some light. D. described her experience of "being born again" in 1994 with tears of joy (I think) in her testimony. It was a good discussion as I was able to ask questions about what "born again" meant and explain to D. my understanding of HHC. I gave D. my email address and encouraged her to listen to the radio archives on the website which may be easier to understand.
April 12th, 2012--J. from Arizona called in. It's been a while since we have spoken and so we spent our time reconnecting with updating each other with what's been happening in our lives. J. considers herself a Messianic and since it was the end of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, she described to me a Sedar that she had attended. J. seems to really enjoy rituals.
April 5th, 2012--No callers tonight. Once again I find myself with so much to share from listening to Brother Gregory's radio broadcast last Saturday on the topic of "Men". Since he had spoken about women last week, it is only fitting that he speak on men also. What struck me the most is understanding that man has been remade--but not in the image of God. That there are few "real men" following the standards given by God but that most men unfortunately are falling down and not "real men". A true virtuous woman desires a "true man". And what I really appreciated understanding from Brother Gregory is that "true love" is about giving, not what you can get out of it. Thank you Brother Gregory
March 22nd, 2012--No callers tonight. Waited on the line with so many thoughts in my head that I wanted to share with other women. Brother Gregory spoke for 2 hours on Liberty Live Radio on the topic of women last Sabbath Hour and so much of what he said spoke to me in way to want to share it with others; women in particular.I was left with an understanding of what I had believed a virtuous women to be is not so when understanding the standards given by God. That the woman was also created in the image of God and that the character of a woman was made to have the most sacred responsibility in society. She is FEMA. She is a natural healer. A woman creates a balance in a man's imbalance.
March 15th, 2012--One caller on the line; D. from California. D. is very knowledgeable and interested in organic foods and natural remedies. We talked about the benefits of coconut oil in the prevention and slowing down of Alzheimer disease and the general use of it in cooking, eating it, and using it on your skin. D. recommends cold pressed, raw, extra virgin coconut oil; in particular "Barlines". D. intends on writing a book for beginners to organic foods and natural remedies. I am one of those beginners and appreciate D.'s expertise.
MARCH 8th, 2012-- Three callers on the line; E. from Arkansas, D. from California and M. from Mississippi. We haven't heard from M. in a while and it was good to hear her voice. She had been having car troubles and felt blessed to have someone be capable of rebuilding the engine. The conversation centered on the variety of alternative remedies for conditions that these ladies had experienced and treated. These three women are all very knowledgeable about causes of ailments and their treatments. D. from California offered 2 important websites for us to check out; freedomadvocate.org and delphitechnique.org. Since I was in the middle of painting the kitchen and dining room of my home, M. from Mississippi informed me of a paint product called "Kilz" that covers up stains and odors really well. But I have been truly blessed to have my friend and PCM N-P laboring and scrubbing my stained walls with ammonia and sweat. No need for Kilz.
FEBRUARY 29th, 2012--Two callers on the line; D. from Rhode Island and J. from Arizona. D. recently lost her husband and was having difficulty cashing her widow's pension placed on a debit card from the state. She does not have internet access and I tried to help her find an appropriate bank in her area. D. is also going to visit with her son in Paris, France which will happen in three days. It was good to hear D's voice sound happy and excited again. Upon her return to the States she plans on connecting with PCM Caleb in Texas to learn about essential oils. J. is doing well except for a disappointing work schedule (less hours). She recently had met with C.W, currently in Arizona and was waiting to hear from G.; a new caller also from Arizona. J. is hoping to connect together with C. and G. at a future date.
July 6 2015
For the past 2 months there had been planned a work party to help build Michael Davis earth ship in North Dakota.
As circumstances and priorities changed for the work crew and they could no longer attend on the scheduled dates; it left me going to North Dakota on my own since this was my vacation week off from work.
I decided to fly to Fargo instead of driving alone in order to maximize my time actually working on the earth ship.
I was picked up by Michael and although late in the day; with much excitement I was driven to see the earth ship. The earth ship is located on Michael's 5 acre homestead in Wimbledon, North Dakota. Like an oasis in the desert, it lies in the midst of thousands of acres of farmland growing Monsanto soy, corn and wheat. The disparity between Michael's land and the surrounding farmlands is staggering. The local farmers don't seem to have much choice if they want to survive but to grow the poison Monsanto seeds.
The farm machinery is the biggest I have ever seen. Michael has chosen to build his home entirely with recycled materials; all accomplished by human power. Being a city dweller my whole life, I believe I was in shock after my first 24 hours. This is a very rural remote area with gravel roads, very little traffic and many ticks. The work is strenuous and alien to me being a 9 to 5 type worker. My second night there I awoke in a panic feeling like I cannot do this. I expressed these feelings to Michael the following morning and through his encouraging words and kind heart, I attempted my second work day. I was able to find a rhythm in what I could do and discovered abilities I never knew I had. This became one of the best experiences of my life. To have overcome so many of my fears and to realize that I am capable of hard labor while having a good time.
My sister had said to me why don't you take a vacation to the beach like a normal person. But this is a vacation I will not soon forget. I learned so much, not only about myself but practical work skills that Michael shared with me. It seems simple now, but I learned that if I can't carry a full bucket of sand, I can carry a half of bucket. I now know how to handle a heavy shovel and sledge hammer just by the bending of your knees. I learned you don't have to fear bugs. I also had fun. No matter what age, gender, or body size, I believe everybody can do something and end up feeling real good about it. I would recommend going to be a part of building the earth ship to anyone who has the time and desire to help Michael.
By the time I left North Dakota, I could clearly see Michael's vision of the earth ship. It will be a home built by the loving hands of HHCer's and the strength and perseverance of Michael. A big part of this experience that I will cherish was getting to know Michael Davis and his family. I experienced a man with incredible patience, a caring spirit and a beautiful gentleness. Through all of this I am honored to call this man my friend.
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My Contact Information
Phone: (845) 416-5518 (Cell = Verizon [Verizon to Verizon = free - 24/7])
Alternate Phone: (845) 256-0866 (home)
Email: grizevan@aol.com
Alternate Email: N/A
Mailing address:
- Isabelle Evans
- 13 South Manheim Blvd
- New Paltz, New York 12561
Alternate Mailing Address: N/A
Assistant Personal Contact Minister (APCM) Name: None at this time.
Assistant Personal Contact Minister (APCM) Phone: N/A
Assistant Personal Contact Minister (APCM) E-mail: N/A
My Personal Contact Minister's (PCM) Name: Nitsan-Parach
My Personal Contact Minister's (PCM) Phone: (417) 399-6097 (cell)
My Personal Contact Minister's (PCM) E-mail: wearecarefree@hotmail.com
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